Astolagia- The Great Quest


Astolagia- The Great Quest


“Almost midnight,” Desertus murmured at the East Kingdom. “It is fine, Lord,” Servant A mumbled. “We don’t even know if Mr. H meant 12 a.m.” “You dare call him Mr. H!” Desertus scolded. “And if a mysterious man takes away my powers and writes a weird note, don’t you think he means midnight?” “I’m seeing vines in the garden. Vines!” “Yes, sir,” Servant A stammered. “Then leave, you foolish, blister of a servant!” he snapped. Under his mask, Servant A chuckled softly. “You forgot to add stupid, master.” “Okay, you stupid, foolish, blister of a servant!” “And don’t call me master. It makes me sound like a pet trainer. “Yes, Lord,” said Servant A.“And Servant A, my most loyal servant-” “You’re gonna fire me, aren’t you?” “Well, that’s rude.” “I will most certainly fire you. Do you have a problem with that?” “Certainly not sir, certainly not sir,” he answered. “Then-” I got it, I got it.” “No interrupting!” Desertus called after him. “I don’t follow your rules any more. I got fired, remember?” He whisked out of the room. “Almost like he wanted to leave me,” Desertus muttered under his breath. “Nevertheless, I must find this Mr. H and crush him to a pulp!” “You don’t have your powers,” Servant A reminded. “ARRRGGHHH!” Desertus snarled. “Get out, you miserable-” He was gone.


“If a zombie gets bit by a vampire, the vampire will turn into a zombie!” Linus argued. “No, the zombie will turn into a vampire,” Fiona insisted. Linus grinned. “Whatever you say, Ms. Monster Expert,” he teased. Linus very much respected Fiona, for she was the only girl, and only person, who understood him. She understood why he talked about zombies, and the bug apocalypse, and his campaign against pigs. His grandmother had called him a “Visioner”. Which apparently meant he looked at things differently, and saw things nobody else could see. It all also marked him as ‘Scrawny Dweeb’ in the popular pyramid. Literally, there was a chart in the main hall that went from his rank, ‘Scrawny Dweeb’, to ‘Pitch Perfect’. Derek Li was currently the top, with Kate Mcray gaining. Actually, Linus was almost up to the second rank, ‘Lonely’, and Fiona was on the third, ‘Casual Kid’. After that came ‘Got Some Friends’, and after that came ‘Well Known’, and ‘Pitch Perfect’. “Aw, dang it.” Linus groaned. “I missed Computer Science class.” Why he wasn’t worried at all, he was a ‘Scrawny Dweeb’. The extremely, extremely, weird thing about Dolas Middle School (DMS), was that there were absolutely no teachers and no principal on Wednesdays. The head and principal was Derek Li, top of the Popular Pyramid. “Want to check in, or not?” Fiona asked. “Meh, let’s not.” “We should look for Thorn,” she suggested. “He’s at ‘Pitch Perfect’.” “Maybe we will get some candy. “He’s supposedly ‘banned from selling’ because he bullied Derek,” Linus said, depressed. “Kay…” “Let’s look for him anyway, maybe he’ll give us some tips on being popular.” 


“Wow,” Thorn said, impressed. “Last time I saw you, Fiona, you were barely in ‘Lonely’.” “Now you’re all the way in ‘Casual Kid’.” Fiona blushed. Linus hated that guy. As if reading his mind, he turned to him. “Linus.” He stared at the dork frostily. “Still in ‘Scrawny Dweeb’.” Linus wanted to say something cool like, No, you pig-headed, dull-witted, brainless, idiot. I’m right behind Kate Mcray! And he did. Stupidly. “No, you pig-headed, dull-witted, brainless, idiot. I’m right behind Kate Mcray!” Linus said mockingly, but in a much more disoriented way. So it sounded like this; No? You… pig-headed? Dull-witted? ….. What comes after that? “You are?” he taunted. “I thought it was, well….  Me.” “Nope,” Linus said more confidently. He had thought of the perfect way to roast Thorn. “Really, let’s check the chart.” “Sure, but the top three, me, Kate, and Derek have been moved to the De esență boards, which is ‘Of the essence’ in Romanian.” “We took special classes to memorize it. And we got candy from the best candy-seller.” “And it made us super strong.” “W-what?” Thorn gazed cruelly at Kate, who was just walking by. “I’M the best candy-seller.” “Oh, well Derek said he was better.” “I’ll crush that miserable midget!” he roared. Kate stared daggers, which were now probably embedded into his soul. “He’s my boyfriend,” she said coldly. “I’m ahead of you in ranks.” “Go see Derek.” “Ha!” Thorn turned in Linus’s face. “I told you there were cha-” Linus pushed him over. “Told you the candy made us super strong.” Both Fiona and Kate smiled with respect at him, even though very confused. He blushed. Fiona pecked him on the cheek. Kate gave a small kiss on the cheek, but warned, “Don’t think I’m raising you in the charts. And definitely no relationship going on.” Linus grinned. “Meh, fine with that.” “Don’t trust her!” Thorn shouted, being dragged away. “She has horrible secrets!” Which reminded me of his secret. And didn’t Fiona and Kate just kiss him? Oh-no. Oh…No.


Catastrophe. That’s exactly what happened to Fiona’s mind over the last few minutes. Linus standing up to Thorn, coming up with an excellent lie Madoff would have approved of, and punching Thorn in the gut, with a more popular soul supporting Linus. She had been horrified and restless to see what would happen next. But another wave of terror had washed over her when Linus ran into the hall, racing through the door. She tried to stagger after him, but Linus was faster then she had thought. He sped to a mansion numbered 1833, pounding numbers in the lock and hurrying into the castle, running with surprising agility. He’s so fast, part of her thought dreamily. No, you moron, he doesn’t like you, another part of her mind said sternly. Find out what he’s doing. She quietly creeped into the house. As fast as a whip, Linus suddenly whirled around. “Why have you been following me?” “This is none of your business.” Fiona instantly realized how disturbing it might be if someone you thought was a friend was secretly stalking you to your house. Her face intensely flushed with humiliation. “S-sorry,” she stammered. “But you kinda left school randomly in a rush, soo…” Now Linus blushed. “My bad,” he apologized. “There’s this thing… My grandmother told me my first kiss would be cursed!” he blurted out. “And I don’t know if that peck you gave me counted as a kiss, or if Kates’ did, so sorry!” He burst into tears, running into his house, sobbing in frustration and crying out, “Why?” “Why did you do this to me, grandmother?” Fiona was stunned. This was much more of a catastrophe. Disheartened, discouraged, and even exasperated and infuriated with Linus’s empty explanation, she started crying and whimpering a little herself. Then she weeped, and bawled, and howled, and whined until she flooded the beautiful porch, screaming curses at nothing. Suddenly, she heard a door creak open. She looked up and gasped. Linus’s hair was a messed up mop. He was rubbing his nose with a slimy tissue. He was wearing a tattered blue robe. And he looked very handsome. Fiona was overwhelmed with emotion. She couldn’t stand it. She sprang  up and hugged Linus as hard as she could. “Can’t… Breathe…” he wheezed. “I don’t care,” she muttered happily. She finally let go, and bombarded him with questions. “What was that?” “Did you say it was cursed?” “What was that supposed to mean?” I didn’t mean to kiss you. I mean, I did. No, I didn’t. I mean-well, of course I meant to, I mean-” Linus smirked. “Very romantic lecture, Ms. Tender And Loving.” She blushed. “Will you do the honors?” she asked, snickering. “Yes, thank you,” he answered, pretending to cherish the opportunity. He hooked arms with her and led her through the palace. “Nice place, huh?” he asked. “Yeah, perfect for weirdos with cursed first kisses.” His smile faded. “Yeah, let’s talk about that thing later, after I give you a tour of my beautiful, beautiful, home.” Fiona grinned.         


“And this is my beautiful, beautiful fourth chair.” “Can you stop describing everything, including your trash can, as ‘beautiful, beautiful’?” Fiona complained. “And where are your parents?” “Yeah, about that-”Linus seemed to be about to say something even more surprising than cursed kisses, but he stopped himself. “They’re at the grocery store,” he finished. Fiona raised an eyebrow. “Shopping for two hours, huh?” she asked suspiciously. “They’re long-time customers,” Linus grinned goofily. Fiona loved Linus for that smile. “Wait a second, don’t you live with your grandmother?” she questioned. “Yeah,” he admitted. “And there’s mor-”  Linus tried to stop her, but she was on a roll. “There’s more to that, isn’t there?” she repeated. “Listen, girl, if you want to stalk someone, please not me.” “And you don’t want a flood of the porch again, do you?” Fiona blushed. “You saw that?” “Giant lakes are hard to miss.” “Fine, I won’t push you, but you know I’m going to bring this up sometime later,” Fiona promised. “Fine,” Linus agreed. “Now, about that curse….” “Yes, about that curse….” Linus’s eyes seemed to shine a little more intensely, gleaming with a crazy sort of twinkle.


Being imprisoned in an office with Derek Li was not Thorn’s favorite place to be. “And that’s why you shouldn’t do that, like when you bullied me.” “Okay, quiz time: What’s my favorite compliment?” Thorn’s eyes snapped open. “What?” he asked. “I said, what’s my favorite compliment?” Derek repeated impatiently. “Your…. Your….” “Candy is way better than Thorn’s!” Derek finished excitedly. “Perfect!” “Quick, what’s the best type of shoe?” Thorn scowled at Derek. He knew this one, because every Wednesday Derek would blurt it on the loudspeakers. “The ones that you wear, which are either Nike or Adidas,” answered Thorn, reciting it word by word. “Top two in the whole world,” said Derek proudly, “Nike being first and Adidas second.” “Yeah, so am I done?” Thorn asked hopefully. “Don’t worry, you’ll have 45 more minutes with me,” Derek promised. Thorn winced. “40… 5?” “Yes, 45 whole minutes,” assured Derek. “No, you probably have…. Other patients, who are greedy to see you.” “I do, but you’re very, very lucky today’s not busy.” “No, I couldn’t accept it,” Thorn said, fake blushing. “Plus, I heard Kate needs help with her fashion choosing.” “She does?” Derek shoved him outside. “Kate, come on in!” “We’ll discuss clothes!”

Thorn sighed in relief.


It wasn’t Thorn’s idea to almost kill Linus and Fiona. He was casually walking down the hall, admirers looking at him with respect. It was just the beginning of school, and it was Monday. Monday isn’t Wednesday. When it’s Monday, he wasn‘t one of the rulers of the school. On Mondays, it was like the Popular Pyramid doesn’t exist. And he lacked the Popular Pyramid. He depended on it. He needed it so he could feel good, so he would know he was one of the best at something. But today was Monday. The worst day of the week. Monday was when the bullies came in. You see, you would think the Popular Pyramid would allow everyone. But not bullies. Bullies were in their own class. All bullies are popular. Either admired or feared, all bullies are some kind of popular. So the bullies made their own day. Monday. And Thorn wasn’t a bully. “Hey, dork,” Landon Saturn insulted, passing by. “Not glad it’s my day, are you?” 

“HEY!” The midget Linus appeared, with his friend Fiona. “Sup, Big-mouth.” 

 “Not cool.” Those words seemed to have an effective place on Landon. He shut up immediately and said, politely, “See you soon, Linus Katronus.” Fiona snickered and made a ‘YES!’ gesture. Thorn stared in awe. “How did you DO that? How does Landon know your last name?” “Middle, actually,” Linus corrected. “And I’m not sure. “You should try ‘Not cool’ next Monday.” Fiona smirked and punched his shoulder playfully. “Um, since you seem to be flirting a lot, are you dating?” Thorn asked nervously. “Soon to be,” Linus said in a formal voice. “In other words, yeah, we’re dating.” “About that thing with Landon, it’s a trick we’ve been practicing.” He pointed to Fiona. “Anyway, who’s the love of your life?” Immediately Thorn thought of Kate. “Why do you need to know?” he sneered, though for some reason he was faltering. “Because we can make you two a match.” Surprisingly, Thorn believed it. “O-Okay,” he began in a shaky voice, though he felt as if he couldn’t control himself. “She’s-” “It’s Kate Mcray, isn’t it?” “Yep,” Thorn said miserably. “I don’t even know why I trusted you with this, but that’s the stupid truth,” he said, mournful. Then he started trembling. Trembling with rage. “Grrrr….. Grrrrrrr…..” he growled. Suddenly he groaned in pain. “Stop it!” he roared, knees buckling over. “What are you doing to me?” Linus gave Fiona a look that seemed to say: This wasn’t supposed to backfire like this. “DASARAKULUS!” He had no idea why he said that, but he couldn’t think about it now. His back burst in pain. Uh-oh…. He was going unconscious. The last thing he saw was Fiona and Linus bleeding horribly, and Linus’s head smashed straight into the wal-Black. 


Ouch. That’s all Linus could think of. Actually, not really, he seemed to be thinking of a lot of things, but three things mainly. Ouch, Dasarakulus, and Fion-Fio…. Na. Wait, Fiona. What happened to Fiona? Stupid THORN had hurt Fiona. Linus was just testing out the powers Fiona and him had discovered. Hypnotizing, telepathy, and telekinesis. Just kidding, no telekinesis. And it seemed to be that Thorn had ruined their fun by using his powers. Wait, his powers? His powers? Thorn didn’t have powers. Much less confusing complicated spells that hurt people. And, Linus and Fiona were just trying to help Thorn. They were just trying to get Thorn a date so he wouldn’t bother them when they were trying to figure out something about that cursed kiss. Maybe Fiona and him getting hurt was the curse. But Linus feared it would be much, much worse. He opened his eyes, and immediately closed them again. The hall was a horrible sight. Blood was tattered on the used to be beautiful curtains. Thorn was awake, limping around, examining the corridor. Linus wanted to punch him in the face. Though he was too weak. Even if he was full strength, and Thorn was full strength, he had a feeling Thorn would crush him. And Fiona, Fiona looked terrible. He imagined he wouldn’t look like Derek Li, either, but he loved Fiona. “Fiona,” Linus rasped. “Are you okay?” Thorn’s head whipped to Linus. Anger burned in his eyes, but he continued searching. Fiona’s eyes fluttered open. He could tell immediately confusion flashed in her mind. “Wh-What?” Then she deemed to realize they were almost dead. “Dasarakulus,” she whispered. “What? Do you know what it means?” Linus asked frantically. “I know that it hurts,” she replied. “Yeah, but how did Thorn do that thing?” Linus asks. “No idea, but it took some power out of him.” “Are you hinting-” “No!” “Really?” “Yes,” she sighed. “You have a big heart.” “Let’s talk to him.”


“So you’re saying you don’t know how you did that?” Linus asked for the fourth time, though he suspected Thorn was gonna kick him out. “Yes!” Thorn snapped. “Take a chill pill, Mr. I Almost Killed Some Random Students.” “ARR-” “Please don’t,” Fiona interceded quickly. “You read my mind to get me a stupid date and hypnotized Landon Saturn! Even though he’s horrible, that’s just messed up!” Thorn countered. Linus had known that from the start, and he still wondered if there was a dark side to him. “Th-orn!” someone called. Oh, right, Linus realized. They were at Thorn’s house pretending to study with him. The trick might have worn off. “I’ll handle this,” Thorn muttered. “Can I have some malmawade, Mommy-Bear?” “Sure, honeyboobooo!” she replied happily. “Not. A. Word,” Thorn warned. Linus stifled a laugh. “She still falls for the ‘replace L with W’ trick? Seriously?” Fiona asked, unbelieving. “Yeah,” Thorn said, gazing skeptically at the hallway. “You said Fiona’s kiss was cursed?” That thing in the hallway seemed pretty cursed.” “I’ve thought about it,” Linus said. “But why’d you say that….. That thing?” “Dasarakulus, you mean?” Thorn asked, staring out the window. “How’d you- How’d you say that?” Thorn looked surprised. “What?” “What were you looking at?” “Dasarakulus,” Thorn answered. “What?” “Nothin’.” Then his eyes glazed over. “Dasarakulus, the curse. The adventurers shall meet, meet the corpse. Land and water shall attack, each other, until they both, lack.” Thorn collapsed on the floor.


Really now? Spells, powers, now prophecy? This was a series of unfortunate events, Fiona thought. She stared at the crumpled figure of Thorn. “Was that a joke?” Linus asked. “Reciting that…. Thing?” No response. “Wow.” “This is a confusing world.” To make it even more confusing, they both passed out.

 The first thing Fiona heard was a man with a french accent. “-he didn’t fit,” he was saying. “The test went perfectly for the first two, but it didn’t work for him.” “He didn’t have Astolagian blood.” “Unknown blood is fine,” another voice said. “He could just have been shaken.” The motorus probably picked up mortal blood only.” “The motorus always works,” the other one snapped. “Just wait,” the other said nervously. “At least can we inject them?” “Fine.” At that moment, a sharp pain stabbed in Fiona’s forehead. Her eyes snapped open. “Wh-What?” She gasped. A pale green frog was forcing a needle with a feeble red liquid inside of it into Linus’s face. Immediately she punched him in the face. She must have had a bit of rage, because he flew backwards, wheezing. “Definitely Astolagian blood,” he panted. “What’s that?” she demanded, still filled with fury. “Blood?” he replied quizzically. “I know that!” she barked. “Why is it called Astolagian blood?” “Because you’re in Astolagia,” he responded, still gasping for breath. She gave him a second. “So everyone-” A piercing SQUEAK! interrupted her. She realized Linus must have creeped out. She darted to the area. A kitchen. Linus was fighting a blonde-haired man. The man had a sword, but Linus had some moves.  “That’s my boyfriend,” Fiona told the frog. “He’s good,” he said. “Ahh!” She punched him again. You can talk-” He put a hand up, and Fiona was silent. Blonde-y was resilient, attacking and attacking. He slashed, but Linus parried with a metal lid, and drove a fork up to his chin. “H-how are you doing this?” the blonde managed, grasping for his sword, which was knocked back. “Telepathic,” Linus answered. Blonde didn’t get to reply, because a deafening roar erupted from a room. “DASARAKULUS!” “Again,” Linus said, lifting the fork. Blonde took the chance and reached for his blade. He ripped it through the air and….. Linus blocked it with no eyes. “Arghh!” blonde wailed. “Name?” Linus asked. No answer. “Name?” “Oh, me?” blonde asked. “Blonde.” Really? Blonde? Fiona wanted to say, but no sound came out of her mouth. Then Thorn stormed in and everyone (except Fiona), gasped at his presence. It seemed to be a red glow radiating around him, illuminating the room with a rosy flare. He was breathing out of his nostrils, face purple with fury. “No one say a word, or you’ll suffer my wrath,” he said, holding up a chained up midget with an indignant expression. “This…. creature tried to steal my necklace.” He lifted his burly scruff proudly, revealing a gold and light brown chain wrapped around his neck. “NO ONE steals my necklace.” “-and why do you care so much about a stupid necklace!” Fiona blurted out. She realized she had heard herself. She could talk now. 


“And, you heard me, didn’t you?” Thorn jumped at Fiona, aiming to strangle her, but Linus hurled his fork with such ferocity and perfect aim, it pinned Thorn by the shirt to the wall. Then Blonde grabbed Linus’s shield and slammed it against the back of Linus’s head. Linus crumpled. Meanwhile the frog was leaping and bouncing around, hollering insults at who-knows-what. Fiona felt helpless. Her best chance was to run away, but Thorn was ready to throttle her, and Linus was maybe dead. So she did what girls are known for. She screamed. She gave a long, piercing cry of pain and vulnerability. The shriek was louder than expected. Like, very loud. Like, inhumanly, impossible, loud. The wail stunned everyone for a second and knocked them back. Then she remembered her powerful punch. She raced around kicking and ramming them into next month. Thorn unpinned himself. He delivered a long, hard, stare at Fiona, and she realized he was fighting back tears. What have I done? she thought, slapping herself. Making Pitch Perfect’s cry? She thought Thorn was going to try to suffocate her, but he went for the ‘I’m a hero and I’m doing my duty’ choice. He started bellowing spells like “KEPOTARTES!” and “LEVIO SECTUROM!” and, of course, “DASARAKULUS!” at the monsters. They all fell down, or started dancing uncontrollably, or having a fit of hysterics.

By then the place was shattered, and it revealed a sunny, bright day, on a long plain of bright green grass. And…..And, did Fiona see a castle, no, a kingdom in the distance? She decided it was her imagination, because it must have expanded a lot after that fight. Now it was time for the questions.


Rage. Thorn still felt a whole lot of rage from that whole ‘You’re necklace is stupid’ incident from Fiona. It was a family heirloom from centuries before, and the story has been carried on that the necklace will grant miracles to the wearer-as long the person was in Thorn’s family-with no limit. But there was a downside. If you lose it, or don’t have the golden chain around your neck-and neck only-for 24 hours, it will create nightmares and haunt you forever. And there’s no telling that it might not just kill you in your sleep. And now that Thorn had been introduced to this magic world-Astolagia, according to Fiona-he very much believed it could do that. Which meant he did not want to lose it. Which was why he did NOT like that little pushover who attempted to nick his pendant. Meanwhile Fiona was bombarding the titans with questions. “Why is this magic? You’re a talking frog. What’s up with that? You put a finger up and silenced me. Rude.” The frog did that ‘shush’ gesture and Fiona was quiet. Thorn envied the little toad for that power.  “Let me explain.” “Again,” Blonde added under his breath. “I am Jeremiah, Lord of Amphibians. A witch cursed me to be this, but I have learned the powers of the frog. Some people in the world are born here, this magic world called Astolagia, created with full Astolagian blood. Since Astolagia is a magic community, everyone who lives here is magic. Meaning they have ‘Full Astolagian Blood’. You, are what we call ‘Magia mortale.’” “The who what?” Thorn asked quizzically. “It is ‘Magic Mortal’ in Latin,” Jeremiah answered. “It is the language of the 4 Kingdoms.” “What’re the 6 kingdoms?” Linus asked. “The 4 kingdoms are what represents Astolagia. They each have only one ruler. Either king or queen. If they decide to wed, they shall choose a subject or servant to be the next ruler, though the heir has to be over 19, and of course, single. Each kingdom has a power. The monarch has one strength, of their choosing, that they get to pick at The Holder Of Powers, which is well full of power. They can also trade powers if mighty enough. The East Kingdom has the king Desertus, ruler of land and grass. The West Kingdom has the king Wave, ruler of the ocean and water. The South Kingdom has the queen Windisia, ruler of the sky and storms. The North Kingdom, believed to be the best defended and most powerful, has the queen Miseria, ruler of poisons and feelings, mostly bad feelings such as pain, sorrow, and regret, just to name a few.” A long wait passed as everyone took that in. “Um,” said Linus, breaking the silence, “why were we chosen?” “Because you seemed worthy of The Great Quest,” Blonde answered, as if it seemed obvious. Again, Thorn asked, “The who what?” “The Great Quest,” Blonde repeats. “An adventure fit only for you kids.” “Soo…. you’re saying being this Magic Mortal is… good?” “No, not at all,” he confirmed. “It just means that you are very rare, and special, and powerful, and blah, blah, blah,” he continued, “but all Magics Mortales go on a dangerous adventure and die-” “might die,” Jeremiah interrupted-okay, might die, trying to venture through all 4 kingdoms and survive, which will prove that they are strong enough to take a power from The Holder Of Power, and either make a new kingdom and be the ruler, or take some king or queens place the you particularly don’t like.” “Though everyone of you has died so far,” he added helpfully. “Um, when are we going on this Great Quest?” Linus asked nervously. “As soon as you pack!” Jeremiah says cheerfully.


Are you sure we can’t skip this?” Fiona asked for the fourth time. “Nope, unless we find another Magia Mortales by noon, and they’re pretty hard to find, considering, well, the 4 rulers of Astolagia give us 3 centuries to 

find one of them, and do some math,-” “and it would be 328,500 days to find all three,” Linus finished. “Math whiz, eh?” Blonde asked. Linus blushed. “My parents….” He trailed off. “My parents,” he said, “what about my parents?” “They’ve got The Amnesiac Curse on them, boy,” Jeremiah replied. “The Amnesiac Curse?” Linus inquired, curious. “A curse?” “It’s a ‘Forget Spell’ that settles on any caring guardian when a loved one travels into Astolagia,” Blonde responded, “It temporarily washes their memory of you.” Then Jeremiah’s face lit up. “You say you want a delay on this quest, eh?” he asked. “Very much we do,” Thorn said quickly.  “Then, how-de-do, we’ve got to find your habitavit potestates!” he exclaimed. “Your Habitat Potential?” Linus asked, dumbfounded. “Your Settled Powers,” he continued, “The powers that you already have, and are fit for you on The Great Quest.” “Oh, I have hypnotizing and telepathy, Thorn-” “Uh uh uh,” Blonde interrupted Linus. “Every Magic Mortal has three powers.” “And I’ve already found your third one.” “What?” Linus asked. “Weapons,” Blonde answered. “You can find anything available and use it as a weapon, wielding it as if you’ve trained with it for years.” “And that reminds me, you must choose your weapons.” Blades and daggers didn’t seem to be Linus’s top concern. “I know, but what about the others?” “Fiona is easy,” Jeremiah said. “Super strength, very common, charmspeak-” “Wait, charmspeak as in Heroes Of Olympus charmspeak?” Linus interceded, puzzled. “No idea what that is,” Blonde said. “Its- Its-” Linus staggered, trying to explain. “-a convincing way of speaking,” Thorn helped out. “Yes, but more convincing than that,” Blonde corrected. “Okay, super strength, charmspeak, what else?” Fiona asked. “Passion,” Blonde said, as if it was obvious. Linus and Thorn cracked up. Fiona scowled at them and shook her head. “Boys,” she muttered. But she turned her attention back on Blonde. “You’re kidding me, right?” Fiona said, RIGHT?” “Of course not,” Blonde said. By the look on Fiona’s face, Thorn actually thought she was simply going to explode. Just a quick ‘KABAM!’ and it was over. She would be a pile of ashes. “WHAT?” Fiona roared. And she exploded. Like firecrackers. She simply blew up, like Thorn had thought. Silence. An ‘OOF!’ broke the quietness. Fiona was now right where Blonde had been, and he was lying at her feet, wheezing. “Teleportation,” Jeremiah said quietly. “Super strength and teleportation?” “If you just had ‘Weapons’ as your power, you would be unstoppable.” “And you do.” “Linus does, anyway.” “Nice, me,” Fiona congratulated herself. “I’m awesome.” “You really are,” Linus said, kissing her.  “Passion would’ve been good,” Blonde grumbled, hobbling into the kitchen. “I’m getting some grub.” Now the exciting part came. Choosing your blades.


“Perfect,” Blonde said. “A pure silver, two-bladed, 

Riser exspiravit!” “A what now?” Linus asked. “Ghost Riser!” Jeremiah exclaimed. “You’re giving the rarest, most powerful, Death Gold blade to him?” “Rude,” Linus muttered. But really, he was worried. He’d read lots of books which include a choosing of weapons, and if they didn’t select the right one, there was a 99.999% chance you would burn into cinders. “Um, what about just a normal sword, like yours?” he asked, then immediately regretted it. Too late. Blonde’s face turned the color of ripe apples. “Hey, kid,” he growled, purple flames rising in his eyes, “You wanna know what my powers are?” “War, prophecy, and healing, and resilience. “I’m full Astolagian blood, so I get four powers.” Linus narrowed his eyes. “And I would better choose a good weapon for all those powers.” “Right,” Linus stammered, afraid. But fear dissolved into embarrassment, and embarrassment quickly turned into outrage. “Rghhhh,” Linus snarled. “Yeah, ‘rgh’, the sound of a plain dork,” Blonde sneered. Linus could tell he quickly tried to cover that up. Linus could easily hypnotize Blonde into killing himself. “ARGHH!” Linus roared in rage. And Blonde bellowed right back at him. “You shall take that back!” Linus charged at him, and Ghost Riser appeared in his palm. Linus slashed, which left a nasty gash on Blonde’s waist. It closed up fast. “Healing,” Linus muttered, but he was powered by pure fury. Blonde stabbed at Linus’s left foot, but he parried and snatched it up, and impaled into Blonde’s beautiful scruff. It wasn’t beautiful anymore. Linus was about to hypnotize Blonde into not using his healing power, but then he realized that would kill Blonde. Since he met this new, magic world, an aggressive side of him had creeped into his veins. Old Linus would have never even dared to touch a ‘Got Some Friends’ or ‘Well Known’, much less ‘Pitch Perfect’. Now he was okay with killing people? He was knocking humans unconscious daily. “Stop!” he cried, before Blonde could recover, “This is too wild!” Blonde seemed to only catch the word ‘wild’. Growling and hissing, he attacked again, yet even more ferocious. Linus read his mind, but Blonde predicted he was going to that. “Future-tellers,” Linus muttered. That stopped Blonde in his tracks. “Wait, you said that like you knew another prophecy person,” he said. “Yeah, we do,” Linus began, “My fellow Thorn here.” “But… He isn’t from Astolagia,” Blonde argued. “We tested him multiple times.” “No dice.” “He is,” Linus insisted, but he was beginning to think he was wrong. “I’ve already got two powers from him. Prophecy and Spells.” Jeremiah glanced nervously at Thorn, who was standing there, glaring at Jeremiah and Blonde. “‘Spells’ isn’t a thing,” he said, and continued, “W-Witches and wizards have that power, and they only have two powers, and-and also,” he almost fell over at this, “That’s the same two powers all wizards have. Witches have Spells and Potions.” “And s-standing near either one of them is suicide. They’re extremely powerful, even though they only have two powers.” Suddenly Linus remembered something. “T-that prophecy-” Jeremiah cut him off. He was now having a panic-attack. “Run!” he screamed. He and Blonde took off, shrieking and screeching. Thorn glanced cruelly at Linus and Fiona, and Linus realized Thorn was somehow used to being an outcast. Used to being the source of terror, used to see people running away from him in a panic. “Whatcha doing, kids?” he asked, waving his hands lazily. “Those puny individuals were right, I’m  a wizard. Lord Acis ordered me to sabotage The Great Quest. So he perfumed me with your stupid mortal smell and sent me to… Earth, I believe? Horrible name. Anyway, yeah.” Fiona and Linus stared. Linus was pretty sure it was a joke, but after all this, in horror, he realized that it wasn’t. “Bye, you’re dead!” Thorn called. He motioned some gesture and an intense, burning feeling of pain settled onto Linus. It seeped into his veins, spreading. “Wait,” he croaked, falling to his knees in agony. “Th-That prophecy-it meant you’re supposed to-supposed to-” He didn’t get to finish that sentence.


Oh, sorry, Linus is still unconscious. Wait some more time.


It was unbearable. Linus could not stand it. No, not the pain. Thorn leaving, and not knowing where Fiona was. Mostly Fiona. He had woken up in a daze, dizzy from the pain, and his swelling head. As soon as he saw Fiona wasn’t there, he was full of energy. A million thoughts raced in his mind. Did Thorn take her? Why not me? What am I going to do now? I’m literally homeless. I don’t even know the language. All those things were dashing around in his jammedMOrt-up brain. But he lost focus on that when a giant foot almost squashed him to Magic 

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